Hey Nurse – I’ve Gotta Pee

Excerpt from:  Act One, Scene One

BETSY:    Hey-y nur-r-se.  That you nurse?  I gotta—

JENKINS: I know, Betsy.  You’ve got to pee. Well, come on then, we can’t have you wetting the bed, can we?

BETSY:    Oh no, nurse—I don’t do that!  I never do that.

                              (JENKINS secures BETSY to a walker.)

LENA:      Guess who didn’t eat her breakfast this morning, Jenkins.

JENKINS: I’ll chart that for Doctor Paterson, Lena.

LENA:      It could be the old woman is on a hunger strike.

                              (LENA taunts BETSY with a spoonful of oatmeal.)

                  Are you, Betsy?  Are you on a hunger strike?  Some peoples will do anything for attention.

                              (JENKINS places BETSY on the toilet)

JENKINS: Be a good girl, Betsy, and pee.  We wouldn’t want Betsy to wet the bed, would we, Lena?

(ETTA, a disturbed old woman driving a scooter with one hand and clutching a stack of folded laundry with the other, speeds past the open door.  An irate STAFF member rushes past in pursuit)

STAFF:     (shouting) Just what do you think you are doing, young lady?  Somebody, please call the front desk.

LENA:      No. Not like old lady Schneidermann out there; she makes daffodils in the bed sheets.  The smell!  It makes you sick.

BETSY:    Oh no, nurse!  I never would pee the bed.  I never would!

JENKINS: Lena, I think you had better help nurse rein in Mrs Schneidermann.

LENA:      Since when is chasing that old piss bag in my job description?

JENKINS: Lena-a!

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